What I Won’t Be Changing in 2015

anything.

That’s it. That’s as deep at it is going to get for me. New Year’s Resolutions are self-promises that I don’t need to wait until the turning of a night to create and make with myself.

As 2015 has kicked in, I can already feel the pressure of the year ahead of me with so many questions. (Quite frankly, it sucks.) I feel constantly caged up when I spend time at school. ALL that I want to do is finally graduate from there after a solid and long four years. But really, why am I in such a rush? Because with graduation, leaving, changing and jumping straight into the scary world of college is the abundance of common questions that everyone feels the need to ask. What are you doing after you graduate? Where are you going to school? What are you going to major in? Are you playing and sports? Oh, what are you playing? What do you want to do with that degree?

And as I recall the questions you can’t forget the most difficult ones to answer as you step over stones and fire to phrase the words correctly…

Wow, that’s far away, isn’t it? Are you sure you want to be that far from home? Are you okay with that distance?

Really? Yes.

Again, really? No.

I am ready to get away, that’s not secret. And choosing a college four hours away was all my decision, so people, you can stop asking about the distance. I am not going worlds away. It’s barely a distance to make in a single day in the car. IT IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT. Now, the real question is; Will I be alright?

Probably not.

The end of the first week will roll around and I will call home and be crying. That’s what I predict. I will be homesick, I will want to get in teh car and run back home, I will want my own bed.

But isn’t that what going up is? Isn’t growing up learning to survive on your own? Is growing up going into the real world but knowing that you still have a support system at home? Isn’t growing up not promising to change, but promising to be workable with change?

As 2015 progresses (and my goodness, I pray that it is a good year), I won’t make resolutions or promises to myself. I can work on little changes, but I won’t be a new person. I am still me despite whatever resolution I would try to make. So, as I venture into this year and all that waits for  me to reach it, I will wait to find out what changes I will work with. I plan to take life one step at a time, try new things, and not be afraid to work with change. After all, only happiness and how I create it within circumstances is the circumstance that I’m in control over….

“Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” -Matthew 6:34 (NIV)

After Dark

Daylight savings time kicked in again this past week…and yet again, it makes no sense..but what does my opinion matter with the issue anyway?

None. And that’s what has been on my mind much of the time lately.

I’m quick to judge, to scrutinize and vocalize my opinions on anything..and practically everything that I encounter throughout my day. But my opinion doesn’t really matter. The things I say…people aren’t really caring to hear. That’s got me thinking a lot about how we do need to back off, because sometimes we don’t really understand. I, and I am admitting, and an avid twitter user. I do scroll through my timeline before I go to bed so much that it is a bad habit I would say needs to be broken. And soon. But recently, I came across something interesting while going through my twitter timeline a couple nights ago. This quote (which I consider a beautiful, short piece of poetry), was eye-opening to say the least:

“Some do drugs, others go for a run, but at the end we’re all just searching for that tiny space, perhaps a hole, that gives us shelter from the terrible reality of the world.” -Unkown

Wow. That was a very blunt way to get the point across. Also, a very interesting way to put everything.

Reading this poem//quote//piece of mind really got me thinking about myself and everyone that surrounds me. Sure, if someone is a pot-junkie, I’m quick to judge. But, clearly, its something that I don’t understand, so where do I have the right to criticize their actions? But at the same time, people don’t understand why I do half of the things I do or how I cope with issues, because they don’t have the background knowledge. I don’t know how much more I can repeat stuff about this poem before it become repetitive..but it seems to have a standing theme… WALK A MILE IN THEIR SHOES. So maybe, slip on a different pair of combat boots, high heels or sneakers if you want to understand a little bit more.

***Also, I want to give a SHOUT OUT to my friend who happens to be an avid reader of my spontaneously published blog posts;

Mikayla!

“Never Grow Up”

Senior year is flying by…and I’m not complaining about that one bit. But as the year progresses, it is becoming quite obvious to me how real this “growing up” thing is becoming. I refer to it as a “thing,” because for as long as I’ve lived, it has been something of the future, something unreal. Growing up is something I have not yet experienced, but I am going to be faced with shortly whether I’m ready for it or not.

Thinking about all of this ahead of me; the bills, the responsibility, being out on my own and so much more. So, of course, being an adult and having to mature and such is what scares me to wake up each morning. There’s so much to experience now, right now. If I spend all day thinking about the future, planning for the future, or just simply not living in the present, then what am I really doing with my time? Well, besides wasting it, of course. I am purely wasting all of the time God has given me before I have to grow up. I need to experience so much more before I go off into the “grown up” world and I need to stop focusing on what is to come, but instead, on what is happening.

As I realized this, I was listening to one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs. (Yes, I am a Swift fan!) The song, “Never Grow Up,” that came out on her second country album just happened to correlate so perfectly with the “thing” on my mind. Some of the lyrics are so spot on when thinking about losing childhood and having to actually become an adult. Honestly, it’s a bit scary. Just enjoying the present moment isn’t enough, though. Thinking about everything makes me realize that so much had to happen not on my part to get me where I am now. This means that I owe a lot to my family and close friends. Live in the moment. Love the people in you life. Don’t forget the past.

“Take pictures in your mind of you childhood room

Memorize it sounded like when your dad gets home

Remember the footsteps,remember the words said

and your little brothers favorite songs.

I just realized everything I had is someday gonna be gone.”

-Taylor Swift, “Never Grow Up”

For the Poets and the Leftovers

October arrived and so did National Poetry Day! All over, poetry was celebrated, created and shared in so many forms. Just for my own added tid-bit, I’m sharing one of my most favorite poetic quotes with an unknown author! Poets make the world a more creative place for sure…

“TELL ME THE STORY OF HOW THE MOON LOVED THE SUN SO DEEPLY THAT HE DIED EVERY NIGHT JUST TO LET HER SLEEP.”

….just a little bit for today to get the creative juices flowing in all of us …

Better Late than Never…

I’m sure everyone has heard the saying “better late than never”… and probably more times than they would like to try to count. I know I am posting a day before Friday (which is my usual posting day!), but technically I am a week late from when I should have blogged last week. Does it work for me to just use the excuse of “better late than never?”

For some people, that saying is just a way for them to casually disregard missing a deadline or wishing you happy birthday months after you’ve officially aged by number.It is a poor excuse to use. As I continue to grow up, it becomes more apparent that taking responsibility for actions, meeting deadlines and such is how to make it out alive in the adult world. (Though, that is not to say that some adults don’t somehow manage to survive with being lazy and acting blameless). But, what about taking the blame for another person?

While starting to wait on a couple that had just sat down in a booth at my work, an incident happened that struck both my heart and and my view on responsibility. We were somewhat busy at the restaurant. I was quickly trying to get from table to table taking orders, delivering food and checking on meals. I had delivered menus and drinking water to a man and woman (assumed to be husband and wife) to a booth and as I was heading back around the dining room before getting their meal order, the man stopped be abruptly. He got my attention. Across the table from him, his wife was unbuttoning her pants in a manner than seemed like she thought it was appropriate to undress. The man was telling her not to do that, he was telling her to stop. But not understanding, she didn’t stop. She was confused. She couldn’t understand why she was supposed to be unbuttoning her pants. The man told her to get up, to leave, that they were not eating dinner there and would now be going home. The woman protested but gave in, knowing that he was in charge. They left the restaurant.

While I cleared their drinks off the table and wiped it down to set up for other customers, I processed what had just happened. It became apparent that the woman had aged in the mind and wasn’t any longer fully aware of her surroundings and what was considered socially acceptable. I realized that the man was not trying to control her, but save both of them from embarrassment in a public place before anything could escalate. This incident bothered me emotionally because I felt bad for the woman’s aging. What fun can it possibly be to live knowing your body is not agreeing how it needs to? I felt bad for the man. How awful was it to know your wife is no longer a companion, but a woman you baby-sit?

The same couple came into the restaurant the very next night.

I recognized the couple, but they were not seated in my section to wait on. While I was at the coffee machine, the man approached me. He asked me if I had been his waitress the night before. I answered “yes” and he proceeded to apologize. He took blame for his wife’s actions the previous night and he also explained to me the situation with her memory loss and such. I told him more than once that it was alright and no need to apologize, but he would not have it that way. He wanted to take action and make sure I knew he was sorry. He wanted to take responsibility.

He really didn’t need to say that he was sorry. The responsibility that he took for something he hadn’t even done really touched me. It was so nice to experience an apology so sincere for an incident that he didn’t even cause. Growing up, my parents have forced me to take more responsibility, even though I complain and act like nothing could ever be my fault. Still, they continue to make me accept blame and realize that I am just as equally at fault in situations. After this experience at work, it made me realize that apologizing is just the first step for many things–but also, I need to take responsibility for how I respond to the outcome of situations, even if I was not the one to create that outcome. After all, it does go hand-in-hand with growing up.

Awareness of Surroundings

Stop signs, traffic lights, music blaring, talking people….

they are all part of our surroundings in different situations. Surroundings vary from nature settings, to busy cities, even to things such as the car behind you honking the horn because you sat at the light a second too long when the light turned back to green. No matter where you are, you are always surrounded by something.

Working at a restaurant–with the population of clientele mostly senior citizens–it is very important that I am always aware of my surroundings. This is because I need to know when I have a new table of people to serve, when someone is waiting at the register to pay or if a customer would like a refill on their cup of coffee. The customers are coming to a sit-down restaurant to be served and taken care of for a meal. I need to make sure that I provide them with the best service possible. (Also, it is determining my pay through tips, so I must do a good job to benefit myself as well.) Most everything that I must do for my job requires and alert awareness of my surroundings. Although many of us spend a majority of time at our workplace, we still need to be aware of our surroundings at other places.

One day I came across a quote that made me realize that I needed to pay more attention to my social surroundings. The quote read; “You become like the five people you spend the most time with, so chose carefully.” I’m not saying that anybody I hang around with isn’t someone that I trust or need to re-think being around. The quote speaks in more volumes than that. The author of that saying isn’t telling you to go find new friends, but to instead be conscious and aware of what you’re letting influence you.

I noticed that my friends don’t always have the cleanest mouths and some even cuss worse than a sailor. I also noticed that I was beginning to speak more frequent words of profanity. Although I spend lots of time around these close friends, I personally don’t want to use the same language. As the quote said, I need to chose carefully. Therefore, when I spend time around these friends, I made sure to watch my words and not continue picking up the same speaking habits. I did not distance myself from these friends at all, I chose to discipline myself to make sure I didn’t use profanity just to fit in with them or pick up on habits.

Social setting is just another area of surroundings to be aware of. There are many others such a physical, verbal, audible, etc. Therefore, it is important to maintain an awareness of your surroundings and actions to be the person you want to be and portray the character you wish to be viewed as.

And remember, “You become like the five people you spend the most time with, so chose carefully.”

Introduction Time

We, as humans, are always introducing ourselves in some way.

 

Whether it be shaking hands when meeting someone for the first time, introducing our taste buds to new flavors or bringing children into the world, we are always on the brink of a new introduction. Naturally, when following a blog, DIY board, or writer, it is common to know what you’ll be learning about beforehand. So, simply put, if you subscribe to my writing, you will relate to it in someway or another. Whether you feel emotionally connected or have been through the same experience, there will be some grasp of relation with the words I type. My blog will be real and true, and salty. (I like to avoid sugar-coating the truth and hard facts)

Growing up in a household of five as well as being a member of a sports team and working as a waitress, my life is one constant VHS tape of high light reels, bloopers and all time lows. I have created the carolineshapleyblog at wordpress.com to share my experiences in a typed entry every other week and maybe, just maybe, you’ll be feeling the same way or have been through the same thing and know that you’re not alone in trying to take on this big world.