That’s it. That’s as deep at it is going to get for me. New Year’s Resolutions are self-promises that I don’t need to wait until the turning of a night to create and make with myself.
As 2015 has kicked in, I can already feel the pressure of the year ahead of me with so many questions. (Quite frankly, it sucks.) I feel constantly caged up when I spend time at school. ALL that I want to do is finally graduate from there after a solid and long four years. But really, why am I in such a rush? Because with graduation, leaving, changing and jumping straight into the scary world of college is the abundance of common questions that everyone feels the need to ask. What are you doing after you graduate? Where are you going to school? What are you going to major in? Are you playing and sports? Oh, what are you playing? What do you want to do with that degree?
And as I recall the questions you can’t forget the most difficult ones to answer as you step over stones and fire to phrase the words correctly…
Wow, that’s far away, isn’t it? Are you sure you want to be that far from home? Are you okay with that distance?
Again, really? No.
I am ready to get away, that’s not secret. And choosing a college four hours away was all my decision, so people, you can stop asking about the distance. I am not going worlds away. It’s barely a distance to make in a single day in the car. IT IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT. Now, the real question is; Will I be alright?
The end of the first week will roll around and I will call home and be crying. That’s what I predict. I will be homesick, I will want to get in teh car and run back home, I will want my own bed.
But isn’t that what going up is? Isn’t growing up learning to survive on your own? Is growing up going into the real world but knowing that you still have a support system at home? Isn’t growing up not promising to change, but promising to be workable with change?
As 2015 progresses (and my goodness, I pray that it is a good year), I won’t make resolutions or promises to myself. I can work on little changes, but I won’t be a new person. I am still me despite whatever resolution I would try to make. So, as I venture into this year and all that waits for me to reach it, I will wait to find out what changes I will work with. I plan to take life one step at a time, try new things, and not be afraid to work with change. After all, only happiness and how I create it within circumstances is the circumstance that I’m in control over….
“Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” -Matthew 6:34 (NIV)